Challenge 34: Center

Center

I'm coming into this round a bit worn thin. I don't think that the conflict is going to slow its pace -- last challenge saw the Whirling Dervish of Conflict speed its pace and extend its scope. The only sane response to insanity is more sanity, and in my case that means do less and center more. Elements in bold are the core target, with elements in italics being stretch goals.

Love > Fear

Stillness > Chaos

Mind 

Writing (this is in bold because it's a focus point for the challenge, a point where when things get into conflict -- and they always do at some point, because that's life for you -- I can touch back to what is central) 

• Tinker Mountain Writers Workshop. I'm taking a retreat to focus on writing my memoir. For real. Week 3  
• Class -- I'm enrolled in an online class, The Hero's Journey, for Summer term. It begins the week of June 19, so it will only just get included in this challenge.I'm super excited, of course. Bonus is that the classwork is advertised to be mostly readings and watching a film each week, with papers and discussion related to that. I think I can handle this, despite the burnout that threatened to overwhelm me last term.

Body

• Nightly sleep I need to take care of myself by making certain I'm getting enough rest. If I'm worn out and exhausted, I can't be a good student / parent / friend. I need to be in bed no later than 9 p.m. I am hoping the meditation routine will dovetail with this.
• Nightly Floss Routine - this only takes seconds, so it's not as though it is really hard or anything. I have floss and coconut oil  for oil pulling next to the toothpaste now, so it's kind of inevitable.

Soul 

• Daily mindfulness
• Daily quiet time
• Nightly Meditation and reading of Faith & Practice
• Weekly meetings & Connections :
• Women's Meeting Monday
• Home Group Meeting Tuesday
• Letters Wednesday
• Therapy Thursday
• Sponsor Meeting Friday
• Home Group Meeting Saturday
• Friends Meeting Sunday 
• Radio Interview / Essay weekly
• weekly budget meeting with my partner -- Sunday

Bonus:

Financial Planning with the attorney: Financial worry is soul-crushing. I recently read a report on the effects of poverty sapping nearly an entire standard deviation from a person's intelligence, and I can completely believe that. The mental peace that will come from financial clarity is huge. I have the documents ready to deliver on May 26, and then we will have a strategy meeting to schedule. Hopefully this will all be complete by the end of the challenge, or shortly thereafter.

Ice

Heidi’s Yuletide 2016 Challenge

The Big Why

Attention to small things gives us real results in large things.
This is my Why, and the Tao is my Way.

Objectives: What I Want

1. A peaceful mind. I value balance in all things, but especially in my heart and mind. Peace of mind vanquishes all.
2. A healthy body.
3. Happy family time.
4. A clean and orderly home.

Activities: What I’m Willing to do

1. Attitude Awareness and Adjustment:
   1. Read the Tao daily, preferably with my partner, sharing our thoughts on the passage of the day.
   2. Go to work with a positive attitude, grateful wherever and whenever possible
   3. Sauna meditation daily
2. Take care of the body that I have been given:
   1. Physical workout once a week
   2. Maintain a restful and restorative sleep schedule
      8+ hours, with a gentle buffer for falling asleep and waking up
   3. Make time for activities that help
      1. Walking
      2. Acupuncture
      3. Therapy
      4. Yoga Therapy
3. Play with Vivian
4. Uphold the house system in place with love and care
   1. Clothing set out each week
   2. Dinner prepared and dishes washed with love and mindfulness.

Yesterday's "rest day" saw a mile at the track, 24 situps and 24 back extensions.
Then today, morning yoga and acupuncture followed by a trip to the library after the gym and getting fruit and vegetables for the week.

• a mile on the track
• 32 inclined sit ups
• 32 back extensions
• 8@10#(dumbbell l,r) swimmers presses
• 8@7.5#(dumbbell l,r) fly
• 8@7.5#(dumbbell l,r) skull crushers

I think I need to update my definition of rest day.

At the gym this evening we got to see the newly remodeled section that is nearing completion. The team is using some reclaimed wood for the wall panels and it is gorgeous. I was commenting on holiday w lovely it is and found out the person I was talking with is the CEO of the Y. How cool was it that the CEO hangs out and works on the project at 530 on Friday? Anyway, when I found out who he was, I registered my one-and-only complaint, a policy measure that he was completely unaware of. It was a great conversation, and was really connected instead of awkward or uncomfortable - he seems like a great guy - and then we went back to talking about the renovation before Harvey and I headed off to the track.

One mile.
16 inclined sit ups
20 back extensions
20 minutes sauna meditation

Forty five minutes of relaxation yoga with the family before bed.
Steps and water complete.
Age of Ultron in the queue

Life is good.

Dropped Teros at the airport, received Vivian, went to the gym, walked a mile, lifted weights and did a sauna meditation.
Some household errands such as shopping and picking up forms was followed by a jaunt down a road. It was absolutely beautiful.
Afterwards, I rested and read some more before going to meet with my sponsor and then go to the women's meeting, both of which were wonderful and restorative.
At home, Harvey and I did basic stuff in the kitchen and made coffee before settling in to watch the Avengers, which I ended up falling asleep in front of.

Life is good.

Went to meet my sponsor last night, then to an evening meeting. Both were just what I needed.
I led the first Tuesday Morning YogaInTheYard at the community center today, and even though it was raining a bit, my family came with me, rolled out their mats, and did Sun salutation and warrior poses alongside.
We went to the local coffeehouse to pick up more tea, and I kept getting bumped. I mentioned it to my partner as we drove away, and he said, "I told you your ass looks good." It made me smile all morning.
At the gym, we met a radical named Betsy in the kid zone. She and Vivian got along famously.
Harvey and I walked a mile and then hit the weight room,where I ran into a professor, then did 20 back extensions and talked politics with a guy who remembered us from last week. I did 20@20 glute curls, each leg, and talked with Katie, a woman who had seen me on the track and wanted to know if "the guy with the great hair" was my boyfriend, because we make "such a cute couple."
Then 4 pull ups, some biceps curls, and we were ready to raid the fridge.
Betsy promised to visit for morning yoga when we picked up Vivian.
At home, brunch was tea, bacon, eggs, fresh basil, Swiss cheese and tomato with Trivial Pursuit, then we made a loaf of sourdough.
I scheduled Vivian's overdue physical, and am glad to have that off my list, and she and I took naps while Harvey went off to do some work.
He's still at it, and Vivian and I are about to leave for the market to get this week's fruit and vegetables. We had to cancel the meat and cheese share because it was way too expensive for what was being delivered, but everything looked wonderful.
Also on the list today is to go to the alterations lady and do a drop off and pick up.

Life is good.

I got my steps in and hit the sauna.

I spent time with a budding community center with farm, and I feel valuable.
The family and I did yoga at the park in the early morning.

Life is good.

Not smoking at this point (today marks four weeks) isn't a stressor in itself, but I have to develop a whole new approach to stressors, and I have to develop a new relationship with emotional discomfort. It's difficult, to say the least, and that's what makes this such a boss fight. Nicotine is 6 times more addictive than heroin, so this conversation I've been having at the lizard-brain level has been with me for a long time. Retraining it is difficult.

But not impossible. :)

Some of the hardest points have been letting sadness or hurt happen, something that I used smoking to distract me from or to deny altogether. And some of the sadness and hurt is really old, so it is difficult to give myself permission to spend my Now dealing with something that happened Then. Intellectually I understand that until I give the issue some sunshine it won't be released, but it's difficult to do so, and frankly, it seems that these shadow-lurkers have become friends and neighbors over the years, their keening cries of self-deprecation a familiar soundtrack, if a toxic one.

7.5k steps yesterday, but managed to forget to eat, probably because of all the weird emotional roller coaster stuff that has been going on internally since Monday evening.

Vivian and I played some this morning, and now she is working in her workbook while I type and catch up on threads. When I get tired or cranky, my parenting ability goes out the door along with everything else, and I am making a conscious effort not to fall back into the electronic babysitter habit that my lazy-brain wants to develop.

It's rainy and grey again today. It's my partner's turn in the sauna, and then yoga for me.

Yesterday marked three weeks of not smoking, and I can honestly say that the support here has made a huge difference. I've had great support in my real life too, but even so, sometimes more is needed, and you folks were there in my mind, so thank you.

Ended up with a scary amount of steps on Tuesday (15k+) because I was at the voting center all day (5 a.m. - 9 p.m.) and whenever there weren't any voters, I was walking around trying to avoid the other election officials. No plank yesterday, because that would have been too wried in the polling station.

So far today has been ok, though rough emotionally. I went to the library, contacted my professor, contacted the writing center to make certain I could get the essay printed on the right paper, contacted the farm shares to let them know i felt ripped off and hoodwinked by the meat share delivery, asked a library patron to either take his ten minute plus long phone call out tot he patio or to go rent an office somewhere, and now I'm off to go pick up the clothes I had altered and drop off another round of clothes for altering.

I'm feeling problematic, by which I mean that no one else seems to be having a problem with what is clearly wrecking my peace and serenity.

And I'm writing weird poetry, to boot.
O wait. All poetry is weird.

5k steps so far.

Went out on the parkway and stopped a few times to walk and take in the views, despite the cold, rainy, grey weather. Totally beautiful out, and we saw some amazing things -- a sea of trilliums, a yoga tree, canals and locks on the james river.

Dinner in Bedford, then home to curl up in front of a fire.
Life is very, very good.

Yoga this morning released some potent emotions, not the least of which is grief.
I scheduled a sauna session this weekend and am on the waiting list for some restorative private sessions.

And more rest. Definitely need to be gentle with myself in the coming fortnight or so.
Languishing can be tricky.

I think I'm going to extend this into week 0 for the next round, since it could clearly use a bit more attention.

Side quest unlocked: today marks two weeks without a cigarette, and I feel really solid on this front.
I need a SmaugSlayer badge.

10000 steps yesterday and today, with kettlebells both days.

Funeral for a friend this late morning.

Lots of water and love and gratitude.

Urges

So the urge to commit homicide (I.e. smoke a cigarette) was wicked this afternoon and evening, and that's strange since it's been 98 hours or so now. But you know, cravings are real.

I took Vivian and visited my sponsee. Afterwards, Vivian and I suited up and went to the pool for a bit, then grabbed some Chinese after for dinner. At home we cleaned up, made some calls, watched an episode of The Flash and cleaned some more. Clothes were sorted, hung p, and some scheduled for donations. I'm still with the urges, but proud of myself anyway.

Encouragement matters

My partner's encouragement is the only reason I made it to the gym today. I was so freaking tired. But then, as always, being at the gym was Just Right. Why do I ever fight it?

The number of the day was 12: even the elliptical was twelve minutes. The press were there again today, which is good, but always weirds me out. Rowing took longer than usual - 7 minutes for the kilometre - but I did it.

In the weight room, I added twelve weird arm dip things on the rack that I usually do pull ups on. It was good but wow, hard!

Twelve inclined sit ups with the 8 pound ball, center and each side. A minute plank, with 15 seconds single leg each leg.

An hour of T'ai Chi followed by tea, a garlic bagel with egg, cream cheese, lox and red onion. Again, I probably would have skipped the class if he hadn't walked out the door. I think I owe him a thank you note for carrying my motivation today.

NOW I can go back to sleep if I want to. :)

Food food and food. Oh, and the gym

I was so hungry on the way to the gym that I ate a banana, two nectarines and an orange.
At the gym, we did elliptical and weights and rowing and walking and hot tub.
Afterwards, we picked up a dozen bagels and some dinner supplies. Hungry again, I got a bagel with egg, cream cheese, lox (2 slices!) and red onion - it was amazing.
By the time we got home from shopping, I was a little peckish again and had the last lemon poppyseed cookies with my tea before a nap.

Life is good.

Moving, stillness, silence and communication

A quick bout at the gym for elliptical and rowing before a day long meditation seminar.
Wow.
Just wow.

Such a great way to close this challenge for me, and really clarifying, too.

Do it.

Warriors do not have a monopoly on the weight room. And while there are many schools of thought about the best method for lifting, and the best equipment, what really matters is that you use weights (without injuring yourself), period. Small amounts of weight have an effect, and every day doesn't need to be a new personal record. In fact, I'm a big fan of a mildly difficult weight being used over and over and over.

Any warrior will tell you that repeated use over time is the one and only ticket to real strength. Yes, it's boring. No, you don't get buff in an hour. But we're here to craft a better life, and that's not a one-off.

The upside to this approach is that you don't have to over think it: find whatever method is likely to get you to do it (kettlebell, free weight, machines, toddler-lifts) and then do that, again and again and again. If you find yourself still bored after 50 reps, increase the weight a little - no engineering degree required, no act of heroics necessary - until that eighth rep is difficult. Then do that on a regular basis until you're still bored after 50 reps.

The gains are more at the foundation level, but will be undeniably evident in your physique. You'll look good and be able to lift groceries and toddlers with ease; you'll be able to walk longer and farther than before; you might even be able to move a bookcase or a couch by yourself.

No one is going to write ballads about your grocery-carrying prowess, I'm sad to say. But we here at NF know the dedication and life force that are crafted and honed. We will cheer you on and remind you that even when you feel like a wimp when you're only doing [whatever] at the gym, that you're still knocking it out of the park by being there.

Just do it.

You'll be amazed at where you are in a year.

Cardio versus Weights

Let's be real: cardio doesn't build shape. Weights do. And if you're working out for any reason, you have an ideal shape in mind. Weights are the ticket to get you there. Yes, processed food and sugar need to go. Yes, running and the elliptical shed calories super fast. But you won't get the body you are after unless and until you work for the shape.

Me? I want to look dead sexy from every angle, to stop traffic coming and going. And then I'm going to change my license plate to &BRAINS2.

Hot tub for the win

This morning I woke up feeling wicked sick. I made tea, canceled my whole calendar for the day, and did as little as possible, including a nap. After dinner, we took Vivian to the pool, swam some and hit the hot tub some. A little activity and increase of the core temperature goes a long way. Day sixteen of the gym.

Also, the cayenne-cinnamon-cocoa seems to be helping.