Swam 450 yards
20 minutes in the sauna

My shoulders were a bit achy from days of swimming and reading, so tonight we dusted off the old routine.

15 minutes walking (about a mile)
Weight Room:

• 32 twisted angels
• 32 inclined twisted sit ups
• 24 swimmers presses, 7.5# each hand
• 16 kettlebell squats, 20#

20 minutes in the sauna.

Life is good.

Playtime at the pool with Vivian was delightful.
Thirty minutes, 900 yards, and then the sauna.

Life is good.

Double take

I'm not going to lie: Tonight I feel a little bit like a badass.
I did indeed skip the hot tub and spent the time in the pool, still swimming, not really meaning to break any records, just hoping that I could keep moving for the whole time.
I swam a half mile before the time was up.
That's right, 880 yards, or twice what I usually do.
I'm pretty certain I'm going to feel it in my arms before this time next week, but that's not going to stop me from going back tomorrow.
And the next day.
And the day after that, too.

I'll let you know how it goes.
Oh, and I did twenty minutes in the sauna too.
What an amazing evening at the gym.

Measurements

I'm not sure which was worse for my fitness baseline: the office job or chronic fatigue.
Actually, I think the office job wins out.

Measurements as of today
Weight: 148
Thigh: 20.5"
Waist: 33"
Abdomen: 38.5"
Hips: 40"
Wrist: 6.5"
Bicep: 11"
Upper bust: 37"
Lower bust: 38.5"
Under bust: 34.25"
Forearm: 8.5"

Swim: 440 yards
Hot tub
Sauna: 15 minutes

After the gym, we came home to our routine of dinner and cards. There was fish and roasted root vegetables, a perfectly autumnal offering of food.

We watched the penultimate episode of The Five, and then we were both tired enough to call it a night. We were asleep before 8:30.

The routine continues to hold me.

Swim: 440 yards
Hot tub
Sauna: 15 minutes

Swim: 440 yards
Hot tub
Sauna: 15 minutes

I missed the pool yesterday, even though walking around the University of Richmond was its own special delight.

Walked over three miles checking out exhibits and the library in Richmond.
I miss the pool.

Swim: 440 yards
Hot tub
Sauna: 15 minutes

Swim: 440 yards
Hot tub
Sauna: 15 minutes

I made a critically important discovery at the gym this evening, and I feel sort of dumb for not already knowing it: the family pool is about 6 degrees warmer than the lap pool. This is huge for me, since the chronic fatigue makes me more sensitive to cold than ever. The good news is that I jumped right in and swam a quarter mile before dipping in the hot tub.

Yes, dear readers, the swimming component of my routine is back, and it's all to the good. I'm only doing a quarter mile for now, trying to focus on re-establishing the habit before worrying about distance or time.

It's nice to be back, especially as the winter hours are upon us.

It's also really nice to have something g worthwhile to report on the fitness front. I feel as though I have been treading water and losing ground incrementally anyway all year.

Swim: 440 yards
Hot tub
Sauna: 15 minutes

Challenge 38: Fall

#Fall - into routine

• Daily:
  • Sleep Chronic Fatigue makes sleep elusive and fitful. Routine helps, so with that I'm hoping to #Fall back into a routine:
  • Sauna or hot bath 
  • Writing a few pages each day, hopefully finding something that can get worked on well enough to turn in for the submission due on November 1. 
  • Knitting It seems to soothe me. Knitting helps me feel as though I'm not a useless slug even when I can barely do anything physically. It's a bonus that Vivian has started knitting with me and we are enjoying planning a blanket for her bed. She's the absolute best, and I am completely blessed to have her in my life. 
• Weekly: 
  • Therapy because a week without it would be tragic.
  • Legal Notes and Log Updates The court date isn't until mid-December, but the weirdness has definitely ramped up and there are lots of little things to take care of and note along the way.
  • Editing The classmates' work will need to have three readings between Nov 1 and Nov 8, with written critiques due Nov. 8.  

Mantra: 

#Acceptance leads to #patience.

#Patience leads to #balance.

#Balance leads to #harmony.

#Harmony leads to #peace.

This challenge runs from Oct. 22 (I'm usually a week early since I don't believe that there is any such thing as a break) until Nov. 18, 2017

Challenge 37: Focus

#Focus 

• Sleep In the wake of the Relationship Strife, sleep has been elusive and fitful. I persist in the routine, though, and that helps. There are a lot of physical ailments coming about, and all together the symptoms seem to be pointing to a resurgence of chronic fatigue. I'm not happy about this, I can assure you.
• Legal The Big Honking Court Date is October 4 -- review of custody, visitation, support and divorce matters, all thrown in together. It would be lovely to have a resolution that is supportive of Vivian and her interests.I will be doing as much praying about this as I will paperwork. 
• Daily Sauna or hot bath 
• Daily Writing a few pages each day, hopefully finding something that can get worked on well enough to turn in for the submission due on October 1. 
• Weekly Therapy because a week without it would be tragic.
• Daily Craft Reading Even if it is only a page or three, this will help hold my writing and my headspace, making what I write that much better along the way.

#Acceptance leads to #patience.

#Patience leads to #balance.

#Balance leads to #harmony.

#Harmony leads to #peace.

This challenge runs from September 17-October 14, 2017

Challenge 36: Wow, August

Wow, August.

Wow. The end of the last challenge went through my life like a meat grinder. Mediation Workshops, threats of nuclear war, Personal Relationship Crumbling, Charlottesville. Thank goodness I have the NF community and the habits I've built with you guys over the past few years. One of the things that I know is that we will do it together, and we will go farther than we ever could have imagined. 

#Writing: After attending the Tinker Mountain Writers Workshop, I applied for and got accepted into the Queens University MFA in Creative writing. This means that I have to read and write every day. I started a scheduled structure, and stick to it mostly. I need to continue it so that it is a solid habit. First submission due: September 1. I also need to submit a piece to a contest or so, since it would be a wonderful thing to get a cash award, and the validation wouldn't be awful. But the writing is the thing. Feel free to check out my progress in my tracking spreadsheet (two tabs).  Also, I have a paper on American Exceptionalism to write that I got an extension on, and that needs to be swept up. #Writers Life

#Mediation certification: I took all the required training seminars last challenge, and will spend this challenge getting the required practicums -- observations and co-mediation -- taken care of. Hopefully the court certification will be finalized by the end of this challenge. #FingersCrossed. 

#Communication with Vivian. My daily calls with my daughter were suspended when we went to court on July 6. This hurts, and she was in tears over it. The appeal hearing was moved to the end of October (two challenges from now, I think, but maybe three -- this is how I measure things). I'm now limited to calling on Monday and Wednesday. I wrote her a Garden Report and included a garden word search along with the pictures I took and mailed it to her, and thus began a habit of mailing her something most days. Harvey mails some days too. It's our way to stay in touch now. I send a puzzle or coloring page or whathaveyou. And then I'm going to write my pen pal, who is in prison. #SnailMailRules

#Employment I interview for a position to teach GED classes at the regional jail. This resonates with me in ways that don't really make any sense, but in a very positive, contributory way. Part time. I'm thinking of it as a work-study component to the writing classes. #WishMeLuck

#Self-care 

• Nightly sleep I need to take care of myself by making certain I'm getting enough rest. If I'm worn out and exhausted, I can't be a good student / parent / friend. I need to be in bed no later than 9 p.m. 
• Daily Sauna or hot bath
• Meetings A few meetings a week, especially on Wednesday, then therapy on Thursday and then the Friends Meeting every Sunday.
• Water reestablish the habit.
• Walking. My steps fell to hell as the office job progressed. I went from a ten mile a day habit to barely a mile, and lost the habit of walking thirty minutes every day as well. I'm hoping to put it back. 
   

#FinancialPlanning with the attorney: Financial worry is soul-crushing. Bankruptcy filing in Monday, August 14. #Acceptance leads to #balance. #Balance leads to #harmony. #Harmony leads to #peace.

Challenge 35: The Hashtag Challenge

35: The Hashtag Challenge

I don't have a clue when I last posted -- I know that the #BigHeavyWeight of it all wrapped itself around my shoulders on June 19 and I have been working my way through a bit of hell ever since. Anton Chekhov wrote that "Any idiot can handle a crisis. It's the day to day living that wears you out." And I've had about three weeks of living in that space. The good news is that I am brave enough to say I'm tired, brave enough to quit pretending all is well, brave enough to rest and to begin to heal. Another wonderful man once said "This is not the end, and not even the beginning of the end, but it might be the end of the beginning." #KeepSwimming

My employment ended on June 3o, the afternoon after a demonstration by a company that can do everything I do, only from India. I texted my partner that I was pretty certain that I was going to be outsourced, and sure enough, I was shown the door the next day. #MoreTimeToWrite.

#Writing: After attending the Tinker Mountain Writers Workshop, I've decided to formalize my path as a writer. This is weird and vulnerable and scary for me. I need to keep a log of pieces that I have submitted (a New Thing That Just Happened on Monday) and pieces that need rework. I hope to have a submission, rework and new work every day, along with reading. Stay tuned. Feel free to check out my progress in my tracking spreadsheet (two tabs).

#Mediation certification: I will be taking the Domestic Violence and the Family seminar on July 21, and then the Family Mediation Training in Richmond in August (next challenge). I'm still waiting to make progress on the General Court observation, but it will come in due time. The Family Mediation Certification will likely come at the end of August (also next challenge). It feels good to have progress on this.

#Communication with Vivian. My daily calls with my daughter were suspended when we went to court on July 6. This hurts, and she was in tears over it. We go back to court in September (two challenges from now, I think, but maybe three -- this is how I measure things). I'm now limited to calling on Monday and Wednesday, which doesn't really make any sense, since the argument they presented was that I was inappropriate on the phone, so why would it be ok to be inappropriate two times a week? #MovingOn. When we were on the phone on Monday, we started talking about the garden and how it's coming along and she got a little sad. I said I could send her pictures, and she brightened up and said she would love that. So there it is, in the midst of the dark, the single star to guide me through. I wrote her a Garden Report and included a garden word search along with the pictures I took and mailed it yesterday. I'm going to write her every day, including a puzzle or coloring page or whathaveyou. And then I'm going to write my pen pal, who is in prison. #SnailMailRules

#Self-care 

• Nightly sleep I need to take care of myself by making certain I'm getting enough rest. If I'm worn out and exhausted, I can't be a good student / parent / friend. I need to be in bed no later than 9 p.m. 
• Daily Sauna or hot bath
• Daily Meetings Reason 417 that not having a job is grand for me is that I get to return to my lunchtime meeting. It meets at 12:15 seven days a week, and I'm thinking of adding Saturday to the mix when my partner has overtime or a seminar. It fits perfectly after my writing workshop meeting at 9:30 at the local library, and then the Friends Meeting every Sunday.
• Water reestablish the habit.
• Walking. My steps fell to hell as the office job progressed. I went from a ten mile a day habit to barely a mile, and lost the habit of walking thirty minutes every day as well. I'm hoping to put it back. 
   

#FinancialPlanning with the attorney: Financial worry is soul-crushing. I recently read a report on the effects of poverty sapping nearly an entire standard deviation from a person's intelligence, and I can completely believe that. The mental peace that will come from financial clarity is huge. I have until July 31 to wrap this up, and am hoping that it will be done much sooner than that. It's only waiting on me at this point, so pester me for updates.

Challenge 34: Center

Center

I'm coming into this round a bit worn thin. I don't think that the conflict is going to slow its pace -- last challenge saw the Whirling Dervish of Conflict speed its pace and extend its scope. The only sane response to insanity is more sanity, and in my case that means do less and center more. Elements in bold are the core target, with elements in italics being stretch goals.

Love > Fear

Stillness > Chaos

Mind 

Writing (this is in bold because it's a focus point for the challenge, a point where when things get into conflict -- and they always do at some point, because that's life for you -- I can touch back to what is central) 

• Tinker Mountain Writers Workshop. I'm taking a retreat to focus on writing my memoir. For real. Week 3  
• Class -- I'm enrolled in an online class, The Hero's Journey, for Summer term. It begins the week of June 19, so it will only just get included in this challenge.I'm super excited, of course. Bonus is that the classwork is advertised to be mostly readings and watching a film each week, with papers and discussion related to that. I think I can handle this, despite the burnout that threatened to overwhelm me last term.

Body

• Nightly sleep I need to take care of myself by making certain I'm getting enough rest. If I'm worn out and exhausted, I can't be a good student / parent / friend. I need to be in bed no later than 9 p.m. I am hoping the meditation routine will dovetail with this.
• Nightly Floss Routine - this only takes seconds, so it's not as though it is really hard or anything. I have floss and coconut oil  for oil pulling next to the toothpaste now, so it's kind of inevitable.

Soul 

• Daily mindfulness
• Daily quiet time
• Nightly Meditation and reading of Faith & Practice
• Weekly meetings & Connections :
• Women's Meeting Monday
• Home Group Meeting Tuesday
• Letters Wednesday
• Therapy Thursday
• Sponsor Meeting Friday
• Home Group Meeting Saturday
• Friends Meeting Sunday 
• Radio Interview / Essay weekly
• weekly budget meeting with my partner -- Sunday

Bonus:

Financial Planning with the attorney: Financial worry is soul-crushing. I recently read a report on the effects of poverty sapping nearly an entire standard deviation from a person's intelligence, and I can completely believe that. The mental peace that will come from financial clarity is huge. I have the documents ready to deliver on May 26, and then we will have a strategy meeting to schedule. Hopefully this will all be complete by the end of the challenge, or shortly thereafter.

Challenge 33: Nourish

Nourishing Mind, Body and Soul

Mind 

Classwork (this is in bold because it's a focus point for the challenge, a point where when things get into conflict -- and they always do at some point, because that's life for you -- I can touch back to what is central) 

I'm enrolled in an independent study and an online class this term. At this point, I only have the papers left, but that's a huge piece (in the case of the independent study, it's the only piece.)

• Posting on Tuesday for the Comparative Urbanism Class
• Paper 1 for Comparative Urbanism
• Paper 2 for Comparative Urbanism
• Paper for Identity, Politics and Power in the 20th Century 

Body

Nightly sleep 

I need to take care of myself by making certain I'm getting enough rest. If I'm worn out and exhausted, I can't be a good student / parent / friend. I need to be in bed no later than 9 p.m. I am hoping the meditation routine will dovetail with this.

Nightly Floss Routine - this only takes seconds, so it's not as though it is really hard or anything. I have floss and coconut oil  for oil pulling next to the toothpaste now, so it's kind of inevitable.

Soul 

Daily mindfulness

Daily quiet time

Nightly Meditation and reading of Faith & Practice

Weekly meetings & Connections

• Women's Meeting Monday
• Home Group Meeting Tuesday
• Letters Wednesday
• Therapy Thursday
• Sponsor Meeting Friday
• Home Group Meeting Saturday
• Friends Meeting Sunday 
• Radio Interview / Essay weekly

Bonus:

Financial Planning with the attorney

Financial worry is soul-crushing. I recently read a report on the effects of poverty sapping nearly an entire standard deviation from a person's intelligence, and I can completely believe that. The mental peace that will come from financial clarity is huge.

Also, a weekly budget meeting with my partner -- Sunday

Challenge 32: Bloom

Bloom

My challenges are usually about measuring what I am going to do, and that’s all good.

But this time I’m doing something a little different -- I’m going to report on what I do.

I’m not interested in giving myself grief or being all judgey -- I’m interested in seeing what I do that is on-target, a check-in to see where I am at the habit level. I have a suspicion that it’s lots higher than I am giving myself credit for.

So this time around, I am celebrating my successes. I’m looking forward to seeing how I’m doing with physical and emotional wellness, educational balance, and financial fitness. (See what I did there? That’s a 3+1 old school formula.)

Challenge 31: Frost

Frost, or Isa, the Rune of Ice

Attention to small things gives us real results in large things.
This is my Why, and the Tao is my Way. The Rune Isa indicates stillness and reinforcement, a great theme for me this round.
I'm going with a 3x5 (+1) for this, three goals with five elements each plus one life goal.

1. Act (daily elements) - keeping in action to sustain the healthy foundation. Improvements are bonus, a happy accident of continued use over time.
   1. Morning walk -- 20 minutes
   2. Steam room and sauna meditation -- 20 minutes
   3. Hydrate -- 2+ litres throughout the day
   4. Sleep - 9p.m. to 5 a.m.
   5. Journal
2. Connect (daily elements) -- nurture and be nurtured by my community
   1. Meetings daily
   2. Call Paula daily
   3. Call Vivian daily
   4. Friends group weekly
   5. Monthly newsletter thought of the day
3. Sustain (weekly / monthly elements)- these are the things that keep me centered and whole, no matter what life throws at me. And trust me, life has a wicked curve ball these days.
   1. Katrina - weekly therapy
   2. Greg - weekly acupuncture
   3. Sunday - weekly reset routine
   4. Erin - monthly yoga therapy
   5. Candy - monthly hair appointment
4. Freedom -- leveling up on financial freedom is a huge deal for a reason. It takes a lot of willpower over time, but it reaps long lasting rewards.
   1. Assess the landscape -- so much has changed since October that it needs a thorough reevaluation (Week 0-1)
   2. Plan (Week 2-3)
   3. Execute (Week 4)
      1. Weekly
      2. Monthly
      3. One-offs

Challenge 30: Returning to the Root

16: Returning to the root

Be completely empty.
Be perfectly serene.
The ten thousand things arise together;
in their arising is their return.
Now they flower,
and flowering
sink homeward,
returning to the root.

The return to the root
is peace.
Peace: to accept what must be.
to know what endures.
In that knowledge is wisdom.
Without it, ruin, disorder.

To know what endures
is to be openhearted,
magnanimous,
regal,
blessed,
following the Tao,
the way that endures forever.
The body comes to its ending,
but there is nothing to fear.